I havent been on here for quite a while but have been following many of the threads. I've just been so very tired and I'm sure my brain is going to mush. Everything is so so stressful, but of course so is it got everyone on here and I DO KNOW, that a lot of the lovely people on here are having a far worse time than me, at least it seems like it when I read all the posts.My problem at the moment is apart from my OH deteriorating quite a lot recently both physically and mentally is his lack of consideration for my feelings he has no empathy at all, but I dont think this is entirely down to the dementia as hes been like that for many years. It's so hard I find myself crying over nothing most days, I'll just start sobbing for no reason. I'll go into another room so hubby doesn't see me but if he does he wouldn't even notice. My main problem is, I REALLY NEED him to have a weeks respite soon, my sister who lives about 5 hours drive away is unwell, very poorly at the moment, I had already arranged to visit her for her 80th birthday party or half arranged as hubby refused point blank to go to respite, but I was determined to go so was frantically trying to find a way of doing it. But now my sister is very poorly, was rushed to hospital and has been in intensive care. So I obviously need to get to see her, although she is stabilised now and hopefully on the mend it will be a long recovery.Tried to plead with hubby to let me go to see her, I would like to stay about 3 to 5 days, my daughter would take me, but hubby STILL refuses to go to respite. I've got a lovely place picked out for him too. He really gets nasty and loses his temper when I start talking to him about it, I'm sure it's not all the dementia, he KNOWS what he's doing but I know the dementia doesn't help, but hes controlled me all our 58 years together. They say you can love someone but not like them but I'm ashamed to say I dont like or love him right now, even though I try really hard to make life better and easier for him in any way I can, my life revolves around him everyday as it does with all of us on here, but he cant do THIS ONE THING for me. I told him I would get extra carers in during the day and evening and he said he wouldn't let them in, he did the same thing a few months ago when I needed to be somewhere, an important hospital app with my daughter which was a 4 hour drive away . But this time I really need to have this time away. I've got 4 weeks rolling respite over a year, which started last May, but I havent used any of it yet, I just dont know what to do. or how to resolve this situation.